"Grow, grow, woman grow" part II

I am perceiving in the air a strange density. My life is about to change yet again.
I choose to listen to the sountrack of Cinema Paradiso by Ennio Morricone. It seems like the perfect music to hear right now. Reflecting on my pass and witnessing my present as it transforms underneath my feet. Events are moving rapidly like a psychodelic type of mud that sucks me up, feet first, and I have no choice but to allow myself to enjoy this slurp.

Life is like a cigarrete, with every inhalation, a bit of paper and tobacco vanishes forever leaving behind only ashes.

I wonder what will I feel when, in twenty years time I find myself writing about this period of life, when I was 45 years old. If I can just imagine, how will I want this story to be? Perhaps I still have time to paint this masterpiece of my life in such a way that I will feel contented and satisfied by what I have lived.

For big mistakes I have made and I wish they could be erased with the stroke of a brush. But not, what is done is done and in each life we can only  paint that part of canvas that is still blank. Oh! Jesus, I did not intend to make you feel all sobby; Let's blame Morricone for this!

Sometimes my days slide in between my fingers without having done my best. That feeling, I don't want to have.
I know that each one of us in this planet has a soul purpose. A 'mission' you could call it. Do you know what's yours? Some people are lucky to discover what is it that they came to do at a very young age. Others never find out.

As a child I grew up KNOWING that I was made for the stage. Feeling that I was a performer. That I was here to deliver a script with clarity and beauty. To make people laugh or cry.
I have not acted professionally for a very long time but I have discovered, that this deep desire I had to become an actress was just a disguise. A little trick of the Universe. Now I know that, yes! I was to be a performer. "The world is my stage" it truly is. But the messages to deliver are of a very different kind. I am still learning to become a kind of prism that radiates and spreads whatever little bit of beautiful light comes into my path.

Grow, grow, woman grow!

And so one year and a few men later... Yeah yeah, it makes a good first line but I can happily anounce that dating was over for me about 7 months ago! Since then, my learning curve has increased dramatically with just one relationship!
You may laugh, for it sounds as if I am used to juggle several men at the time. It certainly felt like that at the beggining of last year when I was undeniably eating more than one cheese cake at the time.  Can I say it was boring? No way! Can I say it was exciting? Often. Did I hurt people? Yes, most definitely. Would I do it again? Oh, dear God please dont let that happen again!!!

I am a better human being now. I mean it.  It has not being easy! Some of us need to put more effort than others in order to be nicer, kinder! I keep going forwards and backwards in this spiritual journey that I decided to take a few years ago. It is a journey of love and love needs the pathway of discipline, a friend once said, and it is most true. Inner love definitely needs that and it is the first step we must take in order to truly love others. Hey hey hey! Let's dont go too preachy here or I can bore you to death or... inmortality!

And so, allow me to take you seven months back when after dating a nice guy that was far too old for me, I decided to click again on that screen full of temptation called Match.com.....