What happened with wanting to stay single?

And so that girl who wrote the last blog, you know, that one who is looking for enlightenment and spiritual development.... any idea of who she might be?
She spent New Years'eve chanting and meditating... Hmmm. I have a vague idea, I seem to remember, it is me!
I had always being sure that if, right when the clock hits 12 from one year to another, we fully concentrate in what we want to achieve the following year, it becomes true.  The most palpable demonstration of this happened 17 years ago. I was still living with my parents in Caracas, Venezuela. As soon as the fire works started exploding in the sky, marking the beginning of the new year, I run outside my front door carrying two gigantic empty suitcases.  You see, for me traveling was my biggest desire! So, running around the neighboring streets with my two suitcases surely would have an effect on my voyages around the world.  And believe it or not, right after that,  I meet a pilot. I seem to remember that I traveled that year more by plane than by bus! (Not good for the ozone layer I know!).

But let's go back to the chanting and meditating. It was obvious to me that if I ended the year connected with my inner divinity, connected with the universal consciousness from within, I would for sure become pretty soon a holy girl. At least a little bit enlightened!
Being a yoga teacher is not an easy thing. It sounds easy, but it is actually a way of living. You cannot just turn up five minutes before a class and pretend to be all holly. You become transparent. Your students can read you...sort of thing! Perhaps you can go into 'automatic' and say the right words, know a few sequences, connect with the breath, exhale as you release any point of tension...all of that stuff that many yoga teachers can say. But the intention, the energy, the truthfulness must be there or you better become a fitness trainer in a gym.

Living a holy life nowadays tends to have it's complications.  The more you think you are holier the more temptations come along your way.
I remember vividly how I felt after my first two weeks at the Sivananda Ashram in Val Morin, Canada. I had been waking up every morning at 430 am (to go and meditate in a little hill before the bell rang at 530). I felt that at that time of the morning, before the sun rise, there was something in the air that made meditation much easier. The daily training was hard, challenging at all levels. Nearly everyday I would find a girl in tears. Questioning the meaning of our lives, facing that mirror of the soul that some of us hardly ever take the time to look at.
I had shaved all my hair from day two, looking like a little Buddhist monk and feeling pretty similar to Mother Teresa. My heart detoxed and loving everyone around me, my spirit lifted, my whole being purified. Not a bad thought came to my mind. I was experiencing pure happiness and peace. Two weeks building this Lego wall of sanctity until one day this gorgeous man with the deepest green eyes and the loveliest smile looked and me and said "hello".
Hello! Hellooooooo! All those Lego pieces of sanctity crumbled  to the floor with his "hello" and his smile. Why me? Why me? I asked God! I have shaved my hair, there are about 60 women here and ten men, why has he come to me? Why God do you put me this test?
 And so, the rest of my yoga teacher's training course was put under an even bigger trial. Concentrating  became harder as his French accent and sweet voice caressed my dreams and interrupted my meditation. The battle of the Githa was happening there and then in my mind. Open fire! Arjuna desperate not wanting to fight against his own family, Krishna commanding him to do his duty while I was very busy kissing this gorgeous man in my fantasies!
But I behaved! I had a boyfriend waiting for me in London and my encounters with this Adonis became very enlightening and pure. Lust failed. And in the battle of the senses I won. Well, I won that particular battle.
Soon after coming back from Canada my boyfriend and I split up. Don't ask why. Everyone of our friends knew that this would happen, except us.
I welcomed the changes as yet another step towards spiritual enrichment. Learning to be alone in this wide world for the first time since I was 17 was definitely a different experience for me.
An important one. Finally, I was going to have time to focus on learning to know myself better. Discovering my fears (I never thought I had any), facing my weaknesses, my defects, facing my big, Big, BIG Ego! And my God, it's being hard,... and therapeutic... and good.
I have grown as if I have been fed with 'Miracle Grow".
I only say this, because the plants in my kitchen have doubled their size after drinking this sensational green solution. I wish my parents had offered me a few drops!
At this point I must mention here my gratitude to my friend Raquel, (since I cannot do this at the Oscars I better commend her here).  I thank her for being at the other end of the phone every day with the patience of a saint.
And so as for being single, the most exciting part of the story develops in my next post...